How to Talk to Girls If you are SHY

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How to Talk to Girls You Like- If you are shy, Or At Parties, Online And more

Talking to girls is not something that always comes naturally. For some, it can be downright intimidating. You need to judge your game before you walk up to some random chick and attempt to ramble your mouth off.

Doing this has a small chance that you can strike up a remotely interesting conversation with her, but it’s much more likely that it’s going to blow up in your face. The last thing you want to do is be branded as “creepy” – the dreaded chick insult. We don’t give a shit as to being judgmental here, but this is going to hurt your chances .

Situational awareness is going to be your key.

Let’s begin by talking about your social circle.

young couple face to face

The Social Circle Approach

A social circle is a group of socially interconnected people. These people will generally know each other – maybe not very well, but they will know each other well enough to call one another friends.

Many people see this is hooking up with friends, and steer away from it. The secret to hooking up with girls in this within a social circle is to remain on the perimeter – the periphery of the circle until you’re ready to strike. If you get too close to a girl without putting on the moves, you’re likely to be put in the friend zone, which is easy for tight social circles.

Diving straight into your social circle can be dangerous. It can be rife with drama that requires meticulous management. However, it will provide you with the easiest opportunities. This is what we call having a “warm introduction.”

A warm introduction is what happens when you already have some sort of connection with somebody in that circle. This is most commonly done by having someone in that circle – someone you already know – introduce you.

Once you’re introduced, the hardest part is over. The ice is broken.

Be careful and social circles. Until you have a higher status within the circle, expect to see other male members cock block you or otherwise insult you at gatherings.

It takes time and investment to get a higher status in the social circle. A simple Plan B is using the cold approach.

The Cold Approach

There’s an alternative approach to talking to girls that does not involve the social circle. This is called the cold approach. This is done more often by men who are lacking in the social skills arena.

As I said earlier, the last thing you want to do is come off as a creepy. This is what happens when you give off a “creepy vibe.” – when you don’t have your basics of body language and mental state down well.

When you approach someone who thinks you’re a creep, she won’t even give you the time a day. She’ll quickly give you the cold shoulder and walk the other way. There is a reason girls often go to the restroom in groups. For them, it’s a safety issue. You don’t want to be that guy.

There’s an art and a skill to this. It seems to be tougher for men to use the cold approach simply because people don’t like to be rejected. More often than not, when an approach fails, rejection ensues.

It’s not all bad, though. When a situation blows up in your face like that, you can take comfort in knowing that your social status wasn’t damaged. You didn’t know her before the situation blew up, so it’s not going to affect you in the future.

The hardest part about taking the cold approach is getting out and doing it. Many people might think that it’s breaking the ice, but it’s not.

For instance, you begin a workout regime, they tell you that the first 12 weeks is going to be the toughest. Your body is not used you working out, so you feel like you have to force yourself to do it. In fact, this is what makes working out so difficult. In the beginning, it is very difficult – leaving you kicking and screaming inside your head just to get out the door.

The cold approach is very similar. You may face a lot of rejection, but if you’re consistent you’ll get better at it.

If it becomes routine, then you won’t be looking at the clock thinking, “I’ll just do it tomorrow.” Instead, you’ll be looking at the clock thinking, “All right. Let’s go out and meet some girls.”

The Day Game

The Day Approach, often called Day Game, works very differently than you might expect using the “Night Game.” During the daytime, you have an entirely different crowd of people. Likewise, you need an entirely different tactic and strategy for it to work.

It’s often harder to work the Day Game than it is the Night Game. Here’s what you need to do. Check it out.

  • Mingle with the crowds. The more crowded the places, the higher chances you find someone that you want to approach.
  • Come up with non-platonic ways to comment on what she’s doing, often using social props that she’s carrying with her. You can ask about her phone, laptop, or even a book that she’s reading. These are called “elderly openers.”

These elderly openers are just that – they’re openers. They’re designed to screen people, and nothing more. For a girl you’re interested in is not interested in you, move on. It’s not worth your time.

The easiest elderly opener you can use is to approach the girl you have your eyes on and ask her if there’s another establishment like the one you’re in. If you’re in a coffee shop, ask her if there any other coffee shops nearby. This works in just about any establishment.

Another natural approach to get the conversation going is to say something like, “Excuse me.” Then, proceed to ask her something about something she’s clearly interested in – like her phone, laptop or book.

The toughest task you’ll have when working your Day Game is moving away from the elderly openers to a flirtatious conversation. As soon as it turns flirtatious, she may instinctively know you’re trying to hit on her and clam up.

Don’t start flirting unless you already know that she’s interested! Be subtle about this – more energetic, conversational skills have their place later, not now.

If you can keep that from happening, then you may be ready to get her number. The easiest way to do this is to insert yourself into her conversation. Don’t focus on her – focus on her conversation.

If you can’t keep this from happening, she’ll see you as nothing more than someone in the “friend zone.” That’s the last place you want to be.

The Night Game

Your Night Game is going to be vastly different from your Day Game. It requires more skill and really depends on what kind of bar or nightclub you’re at.

There are those who think that the night game is dead – particularly in America. There’s a horrible social stigma about guys going to bars to pick up women. It can be done – if you know how.

In the American Night Game, you either want to wow a woman with your social status and visual appeal or using high-energy confidence in being physical from the start.

Wowing a woman with your social status and visual appeal means that you’re in for a night of conversation. And chat usually works better in quieter clubs and bars.

Using a high-energy confidence approach generally works better in crowds that are intoxicated or bars that are loud, where you can use physical moves, like dancing, to build up attraction.

The ultimate goal that men have when it comes to picking up girls at a nightclub is to take her home. Whether you’re looking for a one night stand or relationship, the whole idea to take her home and have sex with her. Trust us; this sounds brutal, but actually gives you more influence, than if you wait for sex too long.

Most men do not realize that there is a process that you have to follow to do this. In fact, most men don’t have a process at all. They have no idea what to do once they get a girl to follow them home. Instead, they’ll just “wing it,” and go home empty and frustrated. Know what you’re doing before you do it.

Talking to and approaching girls requires calibration – making skilled adjustments between deeper conversations (this is called deep diving), and keeping things light or aloof to get the girl invested.

When you appear to not be trying as hard, you can position yourself as desirable – this usually gets girls to chase you instead of the other way around. This is called Chase Framing – it’s what happens when a man positions himself as the object of the woman’s desire using two subtle strategies – humor and investment.

Sexual humor is great. You can take it to the edge, but don’t overdo it.

Investment means getting them to invest in you. For instance, get her to give her your hand so she can show off her jewelry. She is doing the work trying to get you interested – not the other way around. This is great because at the back of her mind – YOU become the prize.